


Talk Is Cheap (And Sometimes Really Awkward)

by agentcxrter



Series: SSFA Writing Challenge [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bones is concerned, Jim is furious, M/M, WHOLE lotta language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:03:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1399051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentcxrter/pseuds/agentcxrter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim does well under pressure. Unless Spock is involved. Enter in a meddling CMO, and a gossip prone crew, and well, he’s pretty much done for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk Is Cheap (And Sometimes Really Awkward)

**Author's Note:**

> My word prompt for this one was libido.

Getting called to Medbay is never a good thing.

The only times Jim had been called down usually ended in the entire bridge crew hearing McCoy screaming at Jim for “being a damn infant,” and his neck stinging from whatever hypo Bones had jabbed into it this time.

This time, however, Jim could feel it was going to end differently.

He had been sitting in the chair, minding his own business, and effectively decided to be a good captain and not think about the activities that had taken place last night in his quarters. Namely, his first officer, and a bit of -

 

No. Not here, not now.

He could literally feel Spock’s amusement coming off of him from his position behind the captain’s chair, and he scoffed quietly under his breath.

Suddenly, his communicator went off.

"Jim, I need you down here," the gruff voice of his CMO came through the small silver device.

"What, why? You already gave me my monthly stabbing like, a week ago!"

"Dammit, Jim, do not give me any shit, or so help me, I will come down there and drag your ass down to Medbay so fast -"

"Alright, Christ, I’m coming. Jesus, Bones."

He gets up out of his chair heading for the turbolift while calling over his shoulder, “Mr. Spock, you have the conn.”

The bastard was still smirking.

Jim walked into Medbay, determined to know exactly what the hell was going on, and he said just that.

“ _BONES,_ WHAT _THE HELL DO YOU WANT_ ," he yelled, frightening an ensign with a piece of machinery, and Nurse Chapel, who was attending to him.

"I’m in here Jim," he heard McCoy drawl, "And make sure to leave your sunny attitude at the door, would ya?"

Jim stomped into McCoy’s office.

'Seriously, what is this?”

"Ah, ah, ah," Bones chided. "Attitude. And shut the door.”

"Fuck off," Jim muttered, shutting the dor behind him, before depositing himself in the chair opposite McCoy.  
"That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about," Bones began conversationally.

"What, me fucking? You know I haven’t hooked up with anyone since that Orion stripper, you know - at the club with the shiny drinks?"

"Yes I know the one, and I know you haven’t hooked up with anyone since then."

"Then why the hell am I here, if you know that? Why the hell are you concerned with my sex habits, anyway?"

"Because," Leo sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Because what?”

McCoy sighs.

"I….have it on good word that…you and Spock.."

Jim felt his blood run cold.

"What about me and Spock?" he said in a threatening, I-will-destroy-your-starship-if-you-fuck-with-me tone.

"That you’re…" McCoy gestured with his hands, attempting to convey his point. For a man so articulate and well versed in medical knowledge, this was a new level.

Jim just stared at him.

An awkward silence followed, which lasted about three minutes.

"So. I’m guessin’ you’re not denying it,"

"Denying it what I don’t understand what why how did you know," Jim sputtered, his words all coming out in a rush.  
Regaining his composure, he said, ‘How did you know?”

Leo grinned, his smile wicked with victory. “Didn’t think you’d crack so fast.”

"Shut the hell up and tell me who told you."

"Nyota."

"WHAT? HOW THE _HELL_? WHY THE HELL?"

"Jim, you’re forgetting they dated," Leo says. "She could pick out when the hobgoblin was gettin’ the moves on, from a mile away."

"First off, never say the phrase, ‘gettin’ the moves on,’ ever again. That’s an order. And second, that’s what you do in the mess hall? You just sit and gossip about me and Spock?"

"Basically," Leo shrugs. "Sometimes Carol and Monty join in, too."

Jim was practically seething.

"You’re all fired."

"You can’t fire people, Jimbo, we’re in the middle of space."

"Fucking watch me, Bones. I’ll throw you out first."

"Anyway," McCoy continued. "That’s not all I wanted to talk to you about."

"What else? What more could there be?"

"Well," Bones says, and Jim notices this is the first time he looks truly uncomfortable.

Jim is glad.

"I just.."

"What?"

Bones sighs. “You know that, um, Vulcan physiology and anatomy, all that, are a little different than humans, and it’s important to know how they work and all -“

Back on the bridge, all is normal. The entirety of the on-duty crew has even forgotten their captain left, until they hear an ungodly, disgusted, furious scream come from Medbay.

" _ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A FUCKING VULCAN SEX TALK_?"

The crew pauses, and Spock’s eyes widen just a quarter of a centimeter, and he feels his cheeks heating up with a rare green blush.

Jim storms back onto the bridge, a walking tornado with all the power it can wield.

He clears his throat.

"If anyone asks me about what happened back there, I swear, I will turn this ship around and personally make sure you’re all assigned as janitors at the Academy."

'Quite an illogical statement, Captain, as regulation states -“

"I don’t give a shit, Spock."

Jim quirks an eyebrow, daring the crew to ask a question.

And they don’t.


End file.
